Of a Mouni Amavasya, and this lovely creature called my husband.

Oh yes, there is something like that too for us.
The Amavasya that falls after Shivarathri that is. And the practice is to observe complete silence for a whole day, not to mention the upavasam ( which means, you dont eat the whole day, unless you choose to, which is just one very light meal and that too something that is NOT rice )

You wanna know how it went ? Gooooooorgeous  ( In a high pitched octave )!!!!

• You don't have to answer to ANYTHING.  Ain't that really cool!?
• You don't have to give your opinions on any matter . Totally what I need !!
• It makes you a better listener.  Not just listening to others but listening to yourself  too.
• It somehow conserves so much energy .  I really din't know that so much got used up in just talking, let alone getting into trouble for it.
• And who knows you might also get to play 'call-on-half-cough games' with your husband.

Like this one , for instance:-

"Ahem , Ahem !!"
 He turns around, looks at you. So you roll your eyes , make a cute puppy face and look at the jug of water on the table and then right back at him . He smiles, picks it up for you. 
"Ahem Ahem" ( again)!!. 
Now he decides to join you in the game. "Oh , let me guess, you want a glass to drink the water?"
The puppy eyes goes : Blink Blink !! 
" Err, then do you want me to plug in the laptop charger for you ?" 
Eyes : Blink Blink !!  
"Ooooh !! The clothes?? Do you want me to fold the clothes, on the chair ??"
 Eyes : Smile !!!  :-D

Oh I know what you're thinking ladies.....  :-P. But this ain't over yet.

"Ahem Ahem !!"
 This time, he turns around and stands akimbo," Alright, Now What ??" 

Then you make the fish face and blow a kiss at him . And he laughs hysterically !  : D

The only time I totally forgot about my Mouna Vratha was when I noticed a small microphone on the  Google search bar which said 'Speak now'. It wasn't a promotion for the Taylor Swift album.  And in that utter moment of curiosity to find out how it worked , I called out loud to the computer screen " Who is Douglas Adams?" !!!!!And just as google gave me its search results, I realized how dumb I was!!

But all jokes apart, I wasn't too bothered about not being able to speak . What I really missed to my horror was one of my deepest darkest fears........... ( wait for the drum roll) SINGING . :-(

I had the hardest time resisting my urge to sing. Every time, I would want to hum a song, and I had to remind myself, No, I can't! At least not today.
I have penned down about my struggles with this before right here. And today I'm married to the man who was my solace, those days. I can't appreciate more, how much he has tried to help me get over it, since then and still does.

This man, who remembers to kiss me even in between his deep loud snores. ( I find that really funny and adorable at the same time). This man who did not forget to grab my hand and drag me along; before he jumped out of the bed and dashed out of the room in the middle of the night  ( Umm. Bad dream. Earthquake , apparently. Lemme not say more :-P) 
This man who honestly puts an effort to understand me better everyday and loves all my in-capabilities alongside my mad love for him.

Dear Moth,

Its an honor to be your wife. And I bet we'll have loads of fun growing old together. :)

Oh, Happy Birthday by the way ;)

Love ,
Flame.

Many moons ago.......

It was many moons ago..... when I thought, I could sing.

Now I think I can only enjoy music, and that singing is gone and forgotten.

If anybody asked me these days, "Do you sing?" , I'd tell them......... "I used to."

There was a time when everyone would , not even ask but just state, that “I will need someone musically inclined ( read singer, musician)to live with”

Fortunately or unfortunately nobody bothers now ….. all what bothers them now, is that Im aging and not getting married.

I had always thought of music as my religion, my spiritual journey, where I could unfold myself , seek answers to my questions. The journey which would fulfill my passion and purpose of living.

And my faith in that journey lied in those very few moments, when my dad would smile blissfully everytime I sang to him, when my mom would play the recordings of my radio shows in the kitchen all day long, when my teacher's eyes welled up as I sang my favourite Ashtapadi to her.

And gradually crept in those moments too when I lost faith in that very journey.

The same path which estranged me instead of liberating.

Those moments of arrant incertitude and shock as I witnessed the very people I worshipped fall into the mad and filthy race of the 'so-called divine art called music. '

I was torn. And thats one wound which has left a very bad scar.

And it was not many years ago that I realised I have lost touch with singing.

I would cry when my voice cracked up, everytime a note came out wrong. Or when I couldnt recall what raaga a particular kriti was composed in.

I had become an alien at my own forte.

I couldnt breathe in my own world?.

I didnt know where I belonged to anymore.

There have been days when I'd decided to go back and search for my lost self , and one such morning I found that I have lost my book of kritis. My heart sank. And in that assailable moment it could only indicate that 'Music was dead and buried..... once and for all.... for good.'

I knew it was going to be that rotten noxious feeling which I would have to carry all my life.

I tried to live with that harsh truth that I wouldnt be able to sing like before ever again.

But now there is a reason why I am even able to write about this.

Because I sang yesterday.............

It still felt terrible. Dreadful.

I poured down mugs and mugs of water on my face to escape from tasting the bitter saltiness of my tears.

After an hour as I came out of the loo, I saw my land lady standing outside. She said, she had been standing there for quite sometime, and asked me If I were trained in music.

I looked at her rather sadly as I hung my towel on the cloth-line, gasped and said “for fourteen frickin' years!!!”

I came inside still wet and shivering, and sat down on my bed to watch my thoughts. And it suddenly struck me that I just sang past that huge block.

It took me a while to believe it was real.And I was pretty convinced then, that I would be able to do it again. I somehow felt like a floating swan, feeling light.

My thoughts flew to that dear friend who told me the other day “Birds cant fly; if you cant sing”.

And all I could do was …...........Smile! :)

P.S : Thankyou. And I cant wait to delete that one sad line in my bio.Its my fervid conviction.